I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
