i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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