i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
