Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
