Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
