so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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