my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
