if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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