I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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