Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
