This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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