Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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