Moan for me like Helen Keller
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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