I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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