Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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