He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
