Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
