okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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