I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
