As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
