I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
