That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize