im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize