so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
