and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
