they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
