Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
