you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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