Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
