I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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