Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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