wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
