once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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