Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
