I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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