I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
