She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
