Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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