i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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