I'm jealous of your bromance
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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