her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize