I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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