Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
