Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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