dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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