Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
