Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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