The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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