Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
