Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
