It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
