It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
