today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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