If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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