ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
