While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
