dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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