Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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