dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
