My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
