I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you win again, gameday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
