playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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