just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
