Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
