it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
