Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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