I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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