Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize