it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
