When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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