my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
