I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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