I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
