i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
