I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
