I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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