you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The adults are the big ones right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
