Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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