onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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