is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
