Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
