i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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