Tell her she can't have a vagina
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize