Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
