I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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