Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need to calm my uterus...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
