So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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