I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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