i think i have herpe
just one?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
