When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
