whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
