I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
