I got chris browned last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want a musical about memes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
