I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
