I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm at about main and main street
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
