just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
