why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
