I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
