I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
