I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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