I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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