I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
