Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
