Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
