you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
