God, you're like boner-b-gone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
