Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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